The Soak of the Year

When you look annoyed all the time people think you're busy.

Spencer Hawes. The most poster-ized man in the NBA?

Well, the Philadelphia 76ers will be closing out their playoff series with the Miami Heat tonight by losing.

Now, we know what you’re thinking.  This game is not worth watching since they have no shot, the Heat are annoying, and the NBA is fixed anyway.  (Want proof of that?  The foul discrepancy in the series, as mentioned below, is in Miami’s favor by 22!)

Alternately, some of you may be thinking, “I live in Chicago, why the hell would I be watching the 76ers?  What are the 76ers?  Why am I reading this?”.

Anyway.

We knew the Sixers had no shot at this from the beginning.  Mostly because they are not talented enough.  But also because of the proclivity of NBA officials to call a foul if somebody looks at Lebron James the wrong way and to “let them play on” if a lesser player is dragged across the court and gang raped.  (Ok. That’s probably going a little far.)

After all, we can’t have 3 members of NBA marquee talent ousted by a team that starts Spencer Hawes.  Nobody is gonna buy a poster of that guy.  Well, maybe if he just happens to be in someone else’s poster…

Fortunately, the good folks at LIBERTY BALLERS have taken the liberty (I just couldn’t help it.) of creating a drinking game to help us slog through this final chapter of the first Doug Collins season.
Posted below is their addendum for the playoffs. THE ORIGINAL GAME CAN BE FOUND HERE.
Enjoy drunks.

Sixers/Heat Game Five Drinking Game Addendums

Sharone_wright_sixers_tiny by Michael Levin on Apr 27, 2011 10:38 AM PDT in 2011 NBA Playoffs

Drink....

Most of you are already familiar with the Official Liberty Ballers Drinking Game, which can be seen and read in it’s entirety here. And while I had planned on putting up a few additional rules before the playoffs started, I reconsidered because it could be seen as a gateway to depression if I’m forcing you to drink after each loss. But now that the Sixers have won a game, that’s all out the window!

In honor of the fifth (and possibly last) game of this series, here are five brand spanking new addendums to the drinking game we’ve been enjoying since November:

1. Whenever LeBron James flexes on camera, down a 40.

Teenage girls feel the need to smile like there’s no tomorrow every time their friend shoves a point-and-shoot camera in their direction. LeBron makes a muscle, which is the male equivalent. He’s the guy who would show his guns whenever the jib swings around after the commercial at a WWE event. Cool, LeBron. In your honor, we’ll shove 40 ounces of bad beer down our throats. Hats off.

2. If Miami gets a foul called on them, take a shot.

There’s no telling whether or not this one will get put into play, but by the small chance that it happens, it’s worth a Dongaila shot or two. With the foul discrepancy favoring the Heat by 22 in four games, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Although if you do, that would probably make the shot more effective. Worth considering.

3. Do a kegstand each time Erik Spoelstra looks like a chipmunk

This is all the time. Have someone spot you for blood flow problems.

4. For each point the Heat outscore the Sixers in the 2nd quarter, drink.

A little-known fact in the NBA rulebook is that you’re not allowed to try in the second quarter. It’s in the back close to the glossary and the index, but it’s there. While Doug Collins and the Sixers have been following that rule to a T, Erik Spoelstra and his team of rule-breakers seem to be above such laws. I’ve protested with the league, but David Stern and company haven’t responded to my texts. Adam Silver texted me back, but that was about something different. We’re cool. Anyway, drink for their lawless ways.

5. If the Sixers win the series, rob your nearest convenient store and put as much alcohol in your system as you can before you pass out.

This one needs no explanation.

Go Sixers/Drinking!

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