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Shania Twain is unimpressed

Heard Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much” on the radio a couple of days ago and it got me thinking. In Twain’s 1998 hit single, the Canadian pop-country singer lists several different types of men (or specific ones) who leave her less than thrilled. While Twain is certainly entitled to her own opinions, our beef is that she is unimpressed by a group of pretty extraordinary men.

In order here’s the list of men with whom Twain is not impressed:

  • rocket scientist (“Okay, so you’re a rocket scientist…”)
  • Brad Pitt (“Okay, so you’re Brad Pitt…”)
  • car owners (“Okay, so you’ve got a car…”)
  • Elvis Presley (“Okay, so what do you think you’re Elvis or something…”)
  • Tarzan (“You’re Tarzan”)
  • Captain Kirk (“Captain Kirk maybe”)
  • John Wayne (“John Wayne”)
What is wrong with this woman?! Let’s go back to this list and take a second look.
  • rocket scientist – aerospace engineering is extremely complex and requires a high level of intelligence.
  • Brad Pitt – two Academy and four Golden Globe nominations, A-list actor, been in some great movies.
  • car owners – fair point there as owning a car is unimpressive.
  • Elvis Presley – king of rock ‘n’ roll, cultural icon, best-selling solo artist in the history of popular music, nominated for 14 Grammys, received the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award at age 36.
  • Tarzan – one of the best-known characters in the world, a hero who protects the virgin jungle from exploitation.
  • Captain Kirk – only student to defeat the Kobayashi Maru test, Starfleet’s youngest captain.
  • John Wayne – American icon, epitome of masculinity, awarded Congressional Gold Medal, Oscar winner.

That’s a pretty impressive list of people if you ask me. So what does impress Shania Twain? She sings “Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright, But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night.” It appears that the ability to purchase a blanket or central heating would be enough which is more in the “car owners” category if you ask moi.

Actually let’s look at the men with whom Twain has been impressed. In 1993, Twain married music producer “Mutt” Lange (left). Lange has produced albums for AC/DC (Highway to Hell, Back in Black), Nickelback, Def Leppard (Hysteria), Foreigner and Bryan Adams (Waking Up the Neighbors). Twain and Lange separated after Lange had an affair with Twain’s best friend, Marie-Anne Thiebaud (oof). In 2011, Twain married Swiss business executive Frederic Thiebaud who is the ex-husband of Marie-Anne Thiebaud (whoa).

So it appears that Twain likes music producers who make music of questionable quality (just see the rest of the Mutt Lange catalog to see what I mean) and rich dudes who were the cheated on party whilst Twain was the other piece of bread in the cheater sandwich.

On a related note, what does Brad Pitt think of this song? Does Shania Twain even know him? I imagine he was out driving listening to the radio and then this song came on. He’s thinking it’s a pretty catching tune and then in the second verse he gets called out and is stunned. Who does this woman think she is?

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